The Silent Crisis Among Singaporean Fathers: When the Weight Becomes Too Heavy

(This isn't about money or investments. It's about something far more urgent - a father's life.) 

A recent news story shook me to my core - a Singaporean dad, seemingly ordinary and hardworking, lost his battle with depression and took his own life. As I read about his struggle, one haunting question wouldn't leave me: How many other fathers are suffering in silence right now?

Before kids, you had hobbies. You met friends for drinks. You knew who you were outside of work. Then fatherhood happened.

Slowly but surely, the "you" that existed before family started fading into the background. Work became everything, not because you wanted it to, but because it had to. Bills, school fees, housing loans, the weight of providing leaves little room for anything else.

The Disappearing Act of the Modern Dad

Somewhere between changing diapers and chasing career goals, many Singaporean fathers experience a quiet identity crisis:

  • "Me time" becomes a myth – That guitar collecting dust? The weekly basketball game with friends? Gone.
  • Friendships fade – When every free moment goes to family or work, maintaining connections feels impossible.
  • Work consumes you – Not because you love your job, but because the fear of not providing overwhelms everything else.

This isn’t just being busy, it’s a fundamental shift in how you see yourself. The roles of employee and father take over, while the person you used to be slips away.

Why No One Talks About It

Fathers don’t complain. Singaporean fathers especially don’t complain. We’re conditioned to:

  • Suck it up – "This is just what dads do."
  • Ignore the toll – Physical exhaustion, short tempers, and that constant low-grade anxiety become "normal."
  • Silently resent the grind – Even as we love our families, part of us misses the freedom we’ll never get back.

But here’s the hard truth: A drained, overworked version of you isn’t the best father or husband. Burnout doesn’t make you stronger, it makes you less present for the people you’re sacrificing everything for.

Reclaiming Yourself (Without Guilt)

This isn’t about abandoning responsibilities, it’s about remembering that you’re still a person, not just a provider. Small steps matter:

  • Schedule selfishness – Block 30 minutes daily for anything unrelated to work or family (gym, reading, staring at a wall, no justification needed).
  • Reach out to one friend – Even a quick text to an old buddy breaks the isolation.
  • Redefine "good fatherhood" – Kids don’t need a martyr; they need a dad who’s actually there mentally, not just physically.
Final Thought

It's okay to not be okay. Seeking help isn't weakness - it's one of the bravest things a father can do. Your strength isn't measured by how much you can endure alone, but by the courage to reach out when you need support. There is no shame in prioritizing your mental health; your family needs the real you, not a broken version trying to bear it all silently.

Comments

  1. SSAugust 21, 2025 at 9:10 AM

    Well written. I am a father of two, a spouse, a worker and a son all at the same time. I feel the stress that peers of my age go through, and I empathize with them who are suffering. I hope as a society, Singaporean men will be given leeway for their own self-care and be open with their feelings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SgHustleManAugust 22, 2025 at 1:43 PM

      Yeah lets us all contribute to a greater society where there are less judgements.

      Delete

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