Trapped Between Duty and Dreams: Why Fathers in Singapore Don’t Dare to Quit Their Jobs

How many fathers secretly dream of leaving their jobs, but never dare to? Not because they lack courage, but because the weight of family, finances, and duty makes quitting feel impossible.

For many men, the dream of a different life, a more fulfilling job, starting a small business, or simply taking a break, constantly lingers at the back of the mind. Yet, that dream often collides with a harsh reality: the father’s role as provider.

In Singapore, this tension is magnified. With high costs of living, aging parents, and children who need our best, many fathers feel like they’re standing on a tightrope, afraid to fall, yet unable to step off.

The Silent Pressure Cooker

Most fathers won’t say it out loud. At family gatherings, they smile. At work, they nod through meetings. But deep down, the truth is heavy:

  • Every paycheck is already spoken for: mortgage, childcare, medical bills, parents’ allowance.
  • The fear of instability is real: what if the next job doesn’t come quickly enough?
  • Personal dreams get buried: the passion project, the sabbatical, or the career switch feels out of reach.

It’s not just financial. There’s also pride. Many fathers silently equate their worth with their ability to provide. Quitting, in their minds, isn’t just about losing a job, it feels like failing the family.

The “Sandwich Generation” Strain

The struggle is even tougher for those caught in the sandwich generation, supporting both parents and children at the same time.

Imagine this:

  • Your parents rely on you for their monthly allowance.
  • Your children look to you for security, opportunities, and guidance.
  • And you still need to think about your own retirement.

That’s three generations tied to a single paycheck. No wonder so many fathers stay in jobs they hate, grinding through stress just to keep everything afloat.

Why Quitting Feels Impossibl

It’s not about bravery. It’s about mathematics and responsibility.

  1. High Cost of Living: From housing to healthcare, expenses don’t stop.
  2. Career Risks: Switching jobs or starting over at mid-life feels like gambling with your family’s well-being.
  3. Cultural Expectations: In Asian households, fathers are still seen as the pillar. Walking away from a stable job can feel like breaking that image.

So fathers stay. They bury their exhaustion. They push through the burnout. They trade personal peace for family stability.

The Hidden Cost Fathers Pay

But there’s a price.

  • Mental health suffers. Silent anxiety, insomnia, even depression creep in.
  • Family relationships strain. A father’s body may be present, but his mind is often consumed by stress.
  • Dreams wither. Years slip by, and the “what ifs” grow heavier.

Many fathers don’t even realise how much they’ve given up until it’s too late.


So, What Can Fathers Do?

The truth is, not every father can just quit. But there are small steps that can lighten the load:

  • Start a Side Hustle Slowly. A low-risk way to test new paths without pulling the plug immediately.
  • Have Honest Conversations at Home. Sometimes families don’t know the full weight fathers carry. Sharing it can lead to more understanding and support.
  • Reframe Success. Providing for the family isn’t just about money, presence, wisdom, and love matter just as much.
  • Seek Community. Talking to other fathers reminds us we’re not alone in this silent battle.

A Final Word to Fathers

If you’ve ever sat at your desk, staring at the screen and wondering what life could be if you dared to walk away, you’re not alone.

Fathers don’t stay in jobs they dislike because they’re weak. They stay because they are strong enough to shoulder the weight of their families’ needs above their own desires.

But strength doesn’t mean silence. And duty doesn’t have to kill dreams. Maybe the real journey for fathers isn’t just about surviving work, but about finding ways, small or big, to keep hope alive while carrying the load.

Because at the end of the day, our families don’t just need our paychecks. They need us.














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