Am I a Bad Husband and Father for Wanting to Hustle Hard for My Family’s Future?

I currently work a standard day job from 8:30am to 5:30pm. I arrive on time and leave on the dot. I don’t entertain colleagues or clients outside of working hours, and I don’t make an effort to socialize at work because we’re simply on different wavelengths. To me, this is just a job.

I dislike the work culture, though not the job itself. In fact, my role allows me to move around and meet clients instead of being deskbound, which gives me flexibility and time to think. Financially, the job pays well, but to me, it still feels insufficient.

My Motivation: Financial Freedom for My Family

My goal is simple: I want to earn enough so that my wife no longer needs to work. I want her to be a stay-at-home mother, not one burdened by household chores, since we already have a helper, but someone who can enjoy her life. I want her to be able to attend yoga or Pilates during the day, take naps if she needs to, and have the energy to be present for the kids in the evenings.

I want this because I plan to hustle hard. I want to build something bigger, something that provides long-term security, wealth, and optionality for my family.

The Reality of My Current Life

Right now, my life revolves around three roles: husband, father, and employee. After work ends at 5:30pm, I rush home to help with the kids because my wife is also exhausted from her job. We manage the children together until they fall asleep, usually around 9:00pm. By then, both of us are too drained to do anything else.

I’ve managed to squeeze in a 30-minute exercise routine each night, but I know that my side business requires far more time and focus if it’s ever going to scale. Since growing it during office hours is limited, I often find myself wishing I had the nights to myself to work properly.

The Conflict at Home

This is where the tension begins.

My wife sees my desire to hustle at night as me avoiding my responsibilities as a father. From her perspective, wanting more time to work means less time spent with the children. To her, that makes me a bad father, or at least a selfish one.

From my perspective, I see things differently.

Money vs. Time : A Hard Truth

I believe that while time and happy memories with children are important, they are not enough on their own. When children grow into adults, memories alone won’t help them navigate life. Financial resources, access to opportunities, and strong networks will.

I hold this belief because I’ve lived through the opposite.

In my first job, I made a mistake that caused immense stress and eventually left me without a job. At that time, I had no one to turn to for guidance or support. My parents had taught me only one thing: study hard, get a job, and work. When that path collapsed, I had to navigate everything on my own. That period cost me two to three years of my career.

If I had the right resources back then, someone to guide me, mentor me, or simply reassure me that things would be okay, I honestly believe my life would look very different today.

Sometimes I imagine my father saying, “Don’t worry. We have your back.” I know this kind of support is often labelled as 啃老 in Chinese culture, and social media tends to shame it. But if a family genuinely has the ability to support their children during difficult periods, why shouldn’t they?

Why Wealth Still Matters, Even If It’s Uncomfortable to Admit

We often watch movies or drama about children from rich families failing because they were pampered. But the quieter truth is that wealth usually compounds. The second or third generation of a wealthy family, regardless of how incapable or lazy they are, often still end up better off than the majority of people.

That reality makes me want to ensure my children have something tangible to fall back on.

For example, owning commercial property and leaving it to them one day, so they can collect rental income in adulthood. That kind of financial cushion could allow them to avoid being trapped in jobs they hate. If they want to pursue music, art, or something unconventional, they can do so without the constant fear of survival.

Looking for Other Fathers’ Perspectives

This is why I feel conflicted.

Am I wrong to prioritize building wealth and resources for my children, even if it means less time with them now?

Is anyone else struggling with the same tension, wanting to work harder for the family’s future while being seen as absent in the present?

How do other fathers reconcile ambition, responsibility, marriage, and parenting without resentment building on either side?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing how other fathers think about this.